[not] thin

not_thin29 @ 2009-12-13T16:11:00

2009-12-13T22:11:51Z

Today I thought bout you a lot. It wasn't good. I miss you. I see she talks to your sister now and I'm jealous. I hate her..I'm sorry but maybe it's more I'm jealous of her. With Luke...it sucks to start over. I think that's what's holding me back. I didn't want it to be the end but...I guess it is. Underneath everything...we'll have each other, you're my kyle and I'm your corrine. With every relationship that's that. We've moved on to better loves...yet I still miss you. Luke is everything I could ask for...and then some. Hannah's all you could ask for...I think. I miss you, and probably I always will. We'll grow old and slowly forget bout each other. But I know when I'm old...I'll have a moment when I remember you and I'll smile. And I hope you will have the same. You made me summer wonderful..and gave me memories that I will always look back on with those butterfly feelings you've always giving me. We'll never be good for each other and we'll never be...but baby I love you. And I'll always miss you. goodbye..

not_thin29 @ 2009-12-02T11:29:00

2009-12-02T17:30:04Z

all I think bout is you, when I wake up I think of you and when I fall asleep I think of you. Fuck I even dream of you. I feel smaller and smaller everytime I think of you with her. I miss you so much. I love you...Love is something that you have to keep alive. And you shot it right in the center...I miss you so much. Everytime I see a red car I look fast at the chance to maybe see if it's you...Most of the time it isn't.. I miss laying next to you for hours looking into each other eyes. Softly touching our nose. It's so fresh in my memory, because it's one of the happiest moments of my life. Now I have to see pictures of her...the one before me. I've never onces her anything good about her. Her friends ever liked me...yet you don't..you don't care enough.. It hurts so much. I wish you knew how much you hurt me. Because maybe then you'd realize that we had more than a summer fling..I miss you so much. No one makes me feel as comfortable and cared bout as you made me feel. You're a wonderful person..inside and out. I miss you Kyle Scot..more than anything else.

my room keeps getting tighter on my finger every sec.

2009-11-28T06:15:34Z

I wish I could fix everything with you. You made me feel. Like how I use to feel. I hate to say this because our relationship wasn't very long. But I think I started to fall in love....you were the reason I wanted to live my day. And through everything I'm sorry....I feel like I could have been patient and you wouldn't ignore me. I miss you...I miss what we had. But I miss you, kyle even more. I miss smiling and laughin how you made me laugh. I saw you like slowly falling apart...and I held you as you cried. And now I'm suppose to pretend that it didn't feel right and like you never existed...

Starting over!!!

2009-10-19T00:46:59Z

MY RULES BITHCES!

1. ONLY eat when stomach growls

2. Count to 10 chewing every bite

3. Drink beverage in between every bite

4. Water is your best friend

5.No snacking in junk

6. Exercise at least 30 miins a day

7. No food after 7 unless I haven't eaten at all during the day

8. Eight hours of sleep

9. If soda, only one DIET soda a day...nothing more

10. Weight every day, once a day.

11. Remember why you want this...

October 18 - 148.8 (fuckkk...)

not_thin29 @ 2008-07-08T08:27:00

2008-07-08T15:39:06Z

So we have this program at school called "strength and conditioning" and its for the summer and you get a quater credit. And I did it two summers ago so all I needed was one more quater credit. It goes on all summer and I miss the first month because I was on croutches. (its at 6 in the morning) and I got up and went..but I can't even run. So my friend and I walked in and the teacher was different...its this fat ass gym teacher. She's the volleyball coach and rumors of being a lesbian. But shes such a big about fucking gym...and all she does is sit there and yell at people. (i personally this she would be considered a hypocrite..because she couldn't do half of the stuff we do) and I didn't have anything against her until she decided..I don't get a credit because I missed a 4 weeks of it. And she was such a bitch about it. What the fuck? She use to like me...so I changed my schudule for the new school year and now I don't have to go. But god...when I went in there I realized how much I hate high school.

I want this year to be different.
I want to get a 4.0 both semesters
I want to be known (in a good way)
I want to be thin
I want to be something!

june 25 2008

2008-06-25T08:37:55Z

Breakfast:
Glass raspberry tea
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gum
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Lunch:
14 grapes and 1gramcracker
Glass of water
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gum/water
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-
-

Dinner:
melon
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-water/gum

not ed related...

2008-05-23T19:39:02Z

so I said this to my best friend (steve) I lost touch with..and we fight a lot...what do you think he'll say? Do you think I'm being dramatic for saying anything? What are you're guy's thoughts? I miss him so much....=(

Dear Steve,
Thanks for writing in my yearbook...I guess lol I always wonder what you will write because I know its not gonna be something deep..but I think next year you're going to write novels in everyones yearbooks...lol I'm pretty sure thats your plan. But I could be wrong. I wanted to talk to you but I wasn't sure how. So I decided to write an email..well not even and emal but facebook..lol anyways...I don't really know how to say all of this...and your probably thinking what is she gonna say to stress me out even more than I am or whatever. Well, I don't want to make you upset or stressed out. I guess I'm not sure that I wanted to say but maybe if I just keep typing then it'll just come out. This year has been hard for the both of us. And I think this year for me was definately a growing up experience to be on your own fighting your own personally battles and other battles with other people. Lessoning to fight for yourself and don't get yourself wrapped up in all people that took a long time but I don't know I could have made it through without you. I couldn't have asked for a better friend than you...ever! It makes me realize that a best friend is someone who will always be there for you and no matter how you are they will love you for who you truly are despite your quirks or your faults. And no matter what your doing together you'll have a great time with them just because you can be who are you with them. I think that's what a true best friend is...someone who doesn't make you feel inferior or pressure you to do things you don't in the back of your head agree with. When we were better friends..I actually had a lot better grades than I do now lol. I lost and gained a lot this year...and in the middle of that I backlashed on you. And i'm SOOO sorry. I was so bipolar to you and I sooo sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I wouldn't mean to hurt someone on purpose unless I was feeling reckless and personally attacked. I'm sorry I brought you into "high school drama" too. I was trying to stay out of it too you know. I don't like talk about peopel so I try to keep my comments to myself. I'm not saying I'm perfect in anyway I just..idk talking a lot lol. I don't know if I told you think but when you and morgan started dating I felt like my best friend was being taking away from me...like you didn't have time for me anymore..and it made me feel like no one needed me anymore or something. I don't know how to explain it but I know what I mean in my head lol. But I didn't want to tell you that for some reason. And it made me think I had feelings for you or something...I'm not even sure anymore. And I screw everything up. And I know everything has pretty much taken a 180 but in the end..like I miss the person I could go and talk to about anything..and ask me to do something with me and cheer me up when I'm down. And watch movies with me and talk for 3hours at a time about who knows what. I really miss you stephen and I want it to go back the way it was but I know it won't happen..but I miss you so much stephen. You the only person who knows me inside out and it hurts a lot that we don't have that anymore. I'm not being dramatic...I truly am sorry for everything I've done you wrong and messed up. We both in this hard world with problems and decisions that we have to make and I know I've made a lot of mistakes especially toward you and I'm soo sorry. And I hate how now it seems like still everytime we talk or something...not everytime but a lot of the time we still kind of fight in some degree. And I wanna try to fix that and make everything better and maybe the way....idk....I don't know what to say I just wanna maybe talk if we get the chance. And here's a song that expresses how I feel lol..I know sounds dumb! but lol maybe you'll like the song too. lol

^^Corrine (sorry if theirs grammical errors or something doesn't sound right...I didn't want to read it over again...lol)

*lyrics---Best of me by Sum 41 (good good song)
It's so hard to say that I'm sorry, I'll make everything alright
All these things that I've done now what have I become
And where'd I go wrong
I don't mean to hurt, just to put you first
I won't tell you lies (I'm sorry)
I will stand accused with my hand on my heart
I'm just trying to say

I'm sorry, it's all that I can say
You mean so much and I'd fix all that I've done
If I could start again
I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me

I know that I can't take back all of the mistakes
But I will try
Although it's not easy, I know you believe me, 'cause I would not lie
Don't believe their lies, told through jealous eyes, they don't understand (I'm sorry)
I won't break your heart, I won't bring you down
But I will have to say

I'm sorry, it's all that I can say
You mean so much and I'd fix all that I've done
If I could start again
I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me

I'm sorry, its all that I can say
You mean so much and I'd fix all that I've done
If I could start again
I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me

damn prom

2008-03-07T05:39:22Z

so...our prom is a club/rave thing..and a lot of people hate it. I don't hate it but I don't love it. I'm on the commitee and really stressing out...might made me binge on chocolate in ice cream. I don't even know why...its just stupid high school! But we need a song for our them...got any ideas??...I have a few but they aren't club/rave. They are like for a night to remember kind of theme lol...

"Hold Me Tight" - Evan Racheal Wood
"Music of the Night" - Phatom of the Opera
"Feels Like Tonight" - Daughty
"Everything You Ever Wanted" - Hawk Nelson....

got any ideas? I know they aren't club but some skinny bitches thought of a country song...what the hell.

Do any of you guys take drawing classes?? Im in one and everyone I draw..I make them look really fat. I feel so bad..I feel like they can all see right through me because of it.

surreyyy

2008-02-19T03:00:08Z

Name: Just call me Gabi
Age: 17
Height: 5'5''
Weight : 149lbs
Highest Weight: 180 lbs
Lowest Weight : 136lbs
Goal Weight :110lbs
Favorite Food: fruits and seafood
Favorite Drink: Water or Green Tea.
Favorite Exercise: running, swimming, dancing, and soccer
Thinspo: real girl/nicole richie/mary-kate olson
Where Do You Slip Up?: bad/stressful days
When Did It Start?: Almost a year.
Why Did It Start?: a lot of things...I wanna be beautiful..
Does Anyone Know?: a few..
Do You Want Help?: No.
Diet Pills?: Not really...have before.
Favorite Binge Food: ice cream...I hate it binging!
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?: I aim for 500 or less, but I'm gonna do the 2468 diet
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?: FAT!! ugliness!
Are You In A Relationship?: umm...well, No...it's complicated..
If So, Do They Pressure You To Be Thin?: no.."you're beautiful the way you are! you aren't fat!" blah blah blah
Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?: fat!
Are You Depressed?: yea..but I'm good at hiding.
Do You Self Harm?: sometimes...
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?: thought about it.
Ever Been To A Psychologist?: yea..

not_thin29 @ 2008-02-04T00:12:00

2008-02-04T06:14:40Z

I feel like my life is getting duller and duller.

Today I did...umm..nothing what so ever.

Except ~~EAT~~ !!! I feel hopeless and fat. Ugh! I needta be 110 by spring! And show everyone. So they are like WOW! she looks soo great! lol even if they think I look underweight...it's better than being a fatty!

Starting over tomorrow!!

Lunch : apple
Supper : wrap
Snack: Gum

After school: Yearbook
                        Art Club

Exercise: Running halls for 15mins

                 Walk To Symons
                   - Cross Trainer (20mins)
                  -   Weights (20rep of each)

Home: Homework
             Clean Room
             Relax/500 crunches!!!

GOTTA DO IT!!!

this wasn't how my life was planned out.

2008-01-29T00:31:16Z

I poured out my heart...[again]...and all you can say is:

"what do you want me to say? I'm glad I make you feel good but I don't feel the same about you."

~~WTF~~. I feel like hes lieing to me so his problem [me] will go away.

=(((...then I b/c.

what a shitty day.

=(((((

not_thin29 @ 2008-01-27T23:44:00

2008-01-28T05:44:26Z

FUCK. I'm falling so hard. I ~~don't~~ know if he's gonna catch me. =(

not_thin29 @ 2008-01-19T00:29:00

2008-01-19T06:38:52Z

It's weird...I don't understand. When I spend time with Eric...I feel like idk...its like just me and him...you kno? like..idk. He tastes me a lot...and everything..but idk. Sometimes I feel like he's embrassed of me. Like to his friends. But idk..something in me like...idk if its good or bad. And then there's steve....and he has a girlfriend and he basically put me on the side burner. idk...IM SO CONFUSED!!!! AGH! Eric left my house and I sent him a text seeing if he made it to his car in one piece. And he sent one back saying "..I have a confession to make..I wanted you to walk with me to my car....haha" I don't understand! I feel like I'm just building up to some disappointment..you know? I'll probably see him one last time before he leaves...and maybe then I'll understand. I feel like its hopeless love you know? That's want it is I think. I sent him a text telling him I have a question. And I'm waiting for him to sent one back. I think I'm gonna ask..why he wastes time hangin out with me...idk. During the summer I felt like we were in love. Weird right? and now we act like nothing even happened. Idk. Maybe we are just friends...just good friends. hmm...idk. yet I feel like this is something more...you know? idk he's so different from me too..yet the same. Idk. Maybe I'll know how I feel before the Angels and Airwaves concert...and maybe its a second try to tell him I love him. I almost did at MCS but....I couldn't..I was soo close! agh! idk..lol I hate everytime he leaves I'm sooooo confused!

love is confusing!!!

2008-01-14T07:32:05Z

I know on here I was suppose to talk about my "condition" but....right now I don't need to talk about that. I'm sooo like confused...and its really scary. I use to absolutely love this boy....but then he when off to college and stuff...and he came back for xmas break and I finally like hung out with him. It was like weird idk.....I don't understand. like we didn't like "date" but we were really close and like we'd cuddle and stuff...and before he came over...I asked him for advice. Because while he was gone I started have ALOT of feelings for my best friend...(he's a boy ...and he has a girlfriend) and idk I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now. Its like I want him to say...I love you come back to me...and for me to say...no..? Maybe..I don't know. We talked about home he wasted so much time on girls who don't matter...? yet he still adored them...and I don't know why he told me that. And I asked him if he had any feelings for someone in college...and he said they are just kind of like shallow? or something.... I was the last experience he had before he left..yet we didn't talk about that at all! and he talked about girls from the past....idk..I'm confused!!! agh! idk...I hate being confused it's are to function because then you are always feeling like that..you know?...*sigh* =( we are gonna go see juno...we'll see...